Tuesday, June 13, 2006

EMPTY SPACES...BRING HAPPY FACES

Armando lost his top right tooth on Friday and yesterday he lost his bottom 2nd tooth. WOW! He looks sooo cute when he smiles and it is another reminder that my baby is getting bigger.

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This morning Armando came out of his room very sad... I asked him what was wrong and he said that the tooth fairy forgot to visit him last night. Well... that fairy and I are going to have a serious talk.. how dare she forget... I bet she was tired and meant to, but fell asleep, but none the less.. I am not very happy with her today. She BETTER visit tonight.

Emilia is sleeping now and I should be doing things that I can ONLY get done while she is sleeping...so...I'm off to the laundry room. A-Folding I will do.. A-folding I will do.. Hi Ho a Merry-O a Laundry I must do.

Hugz

Friday, June 09, 2006

(Blowing Dust)....I SEE IT NOW...MY SEWING MACHINE!!!!

Under 2 inches of dust...it sat on my cluttered sewing table. I missed my old friends, my sewing machine and serger. So at 12 midnight last night I decided to make lil lady a new diaper. I finished it around 1 a.m. and even though I didn't put any velcro on it, she wore it today with a pin.. too cute.. here's some pics! I feel like the QUEEN ON THE WORLD!! I am overflowing with accomplishment.. WOO HOO!
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Emjoy the pics... I will be posting more soon! Thanks for showing an interest to a SAHM's crazy, insane yet wonderful life!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Solace

I found it.. even had it in my grasp for a short few moments.. but at least I know it can be found again. Hope has been restored that there is serenity in a time of turmoil.

I found my solace late at night, when all were asleep, and I sat on the floor in Emilia's room with a cup of hot tea and folded her clothes. Emilia's room has been the room in which I have found the most peace. I sense my grandmother's presence there and it is ever so strong. I had dreams of my grandmom Emilie throughout my whole pregnancy and a couple of times even sensed her in the nursery. When Emilia is laying on the changing table she is always looking over my shoulder or behind me and she begins to smile, coo and blow bubbles. Without a doubt I know that my grandmother is there and it comforts me knowing that she is my daughter's, her namesake's guardian angel.

Now that I know that solace can be found... I am on the quest to find it more often and for longer periods of time... but when and where to start? I'm going to go now & get a hot cup of tea and sit with Emilia in her room......that's a start.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Extra!! Extra!! Corporate America destroys lives...

Okay.. normally I don't post too much personal or financial information but this situation is an exception and I need to just vent. Our situation at this point is dire and if I don't write my feelings than they will eat me alive.

Our grim situation goes like this: Since the beginning of the year Will has been fighting the corporate monster and all their twisted "corporate decisions" (I say "their" b/c it's the people running the corporation without one strand of humanity). We all know that "s**t rolls down hill" well not only does it roll down hill, but we know that the one that intitally starts the ball rolling never takes the responsibility and admit that THEY screwed up. Instead they point the finger to the guy a step or two lower and say..."HIM... he did it" and no one will listen to the pleas of the guy lower on the corporate ladder. Will has devoted almost 10 years to this mammoth of a corporation, we have moved hundreds of miles from our family, we have sacrificed 2 years of our lives spent in different states just to keep his job...only to reach the end of the road.. no job.

What did Will do you might ask? NOTHING.. HIS BOSS screwed up #'s, and to follow up his mistake he had to follow corporate protocol and put him on a program that inevitably gives you the "kick you in the a*s" and leads you to the "see you later...sianara..adios" door without a second notice. All b/c someone wasn't trained enough to know his job and b/c people wouldn't say.."Remove him from this program, he doesn't belong.. SO&SO put the wrong guys #'s on Will's workload which lowered his work productivity which gave him a bad year.. which took away his bonus.. which took awaay his raise"... it was that simple. BUt would anyone stand up and fight for what was right.. HELL NO! Because then they would be admitting that they approved the managers decision without examining the whole situation. Which then means they didn't do THEIR job.

So please tell me? Where did we go wrong? Why have we allowed corporate America to grow into such an emotionally detached monopoly that we allow it to treat it's workers like #'s. Where the workers can't defend themselves? Where you hear.."Well, Will.. we see that you were placed on this program falsely, but I can't remove you from it b/c it then looks like I made a mistake and we can't allow that now can we?" (smug laughter to follow) Where are the times when bosses knew their workers child's names, where a man's job allowed nightly family dinners, where work stays at work and the best of all.. weekends off? Those were the days my friend.. when an employee was thought of as a person, not some "position to be filled" or as a "payroll cut".

I am totally starting to see the bleakness of it all. For months my husband and I have had some tension b/c of this job situation and he kept trying to tell me the outcome. But I didn't want to believe it.. how could I? I kept thinking..this is just another "Mega Corporate Drama" it happens every year.. it will all be fine... BUT IT ISN'T GOING TO BE FINE THIS TIME!!! This is truly the bottom of the barrel, there aren't anymore escape routes. In 30 days we will be jobless. We can survive for 3 months but after that.. we LOOSE EVERYTHING! If our house doesn't sell, the bank takes it.. if we can't pay for our cars (which are NOT new).. are gone.. the boy's catholic school.. no more...hell, what am I thinking... FOOD??????

Granted we do not live a life of luxury.. we live paycheck to paycheck without any credit cards to help out. We have to at times rob peter to pay paul and bills do get piled up. BUT TO LOSE EVERYTHING? I weep at the thought of telling my children that they will no longer have a bedroom to sleep in.. that their toys will be put into storage so we can go live in my mothers club room after we loose everything. How can I look into my child's eyes and tell them that their "new home" in another state will most likely not happen for a couple of years? How can I explain how long a year is when an hour seems like an eternity? How can I tell them that Daddy will have to live in NY with his mom while we live in MD again? (NY offers more opportunities to for a job, but we can't afford to live here b/c the rent is sooo high.) Please someone tell me how can I do these things?

Will won't get another job making the $ he makes now. His payscale is too high and when we do lose our job all the job apps for other managerial postiions i other states will be null and void through the company. So how can you buy a house on say $35,000 a year... YOU CAN'T!!! We are barely making it at 3 X's that now!

So now I look at my house, my life.. everything Will worked so hard to build for us.. and I am truly saddened at how he must feel defeated. How as a provider he feels that he has failed us. He hasn't failed us.. I know that... what has failed us is people with a conscious. What has failed us is people standing up like a man and taking the heat for their mistakes, instead of being a coward and covering it up. I am angry that people don't take responsibility for their ignorance. I am angry that after 8 years of perfect appraisals that 1 year of bad numbers (that were falsely recorded) are the cause of losing a way of life and NO ONE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that the manager that did this to Will did this to Will intentionally. To set him up...

Corporations were set up to give jobs, to make an impact on society, and lets face it.. to make the big guys rich. But to destroy a human? Is that truly what corporate america has set out to do? "To Hell with humanity.. onward and upward"?