A Random Rambling and Confession....

Okay.. I'm going to say it.. I am the archetype of procrastination with a HUGE side order of LAZY (the lazy part..I secretly despise.)

To the outside world, I'm sure it looks like I do much more than I do and that I don't find time to sleep, so NOT true. People ask me, "How do you do it all?" and to be honest I think to myself .. "I don't do enough." Granted I do start my day early, 5am.. and for the first 3-4 hours of my day are spent on the computer, catching up with business duties, some facebook time, dreaming of my next big project from Pinterest, blogging, budgeting etc. Yet, I get nothing accomplished that I am proud of. I have all these thoughts of "doing this and doing that".. but they are just thoughts that eventually start to become this little burden b/c I WANT to do it and it never gets done.. ever... because this is where the LAZY kicks in.

I will say my house is tidy and clean. I do run a tight ship when it comes to organizing and cleanliness AND that is where it ends. ALL I do is run around my house, wiping down, cleaning, picking up, organizing this, straightening that and I do it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

OH, and let's now even get to my Mt. Washmore laundry tasks. THAT in itself is a job! With (3) kids who change their clothes on average 2-3 times a day EACH *****.. yeah.. laundry is the devil!

BUT getting back on track.. internally I'm fighting this personal battle.

I am the queen of the organizational notebooks. I have my life organized in every aspect possible in a notebook, except for making time for me. I have notebooks for mostly everything ... the general household upkeep and maintenance, menu planning, gift giving, sewing, soaping, knitting, even our budget is in a nice neat notebook. I swear my notebooks are more organized than my actual life. I think I need to create a notebook for time management. (see how easily I create work for myself but not do things I actually WANT to do?.. I swear I am my own worst enemy)

What do I want to do? I want to create! I want to be as productive as these people that I waste hours on pinterest and blogs on gawking over pictures of their creative life. I admire pictures of peoples artistic creations, I simply get lost in the construction of the item, the blending of colors.. it begins to stir emotions of inspiration in me and also at that moment, I suddenly start feeling like an uncreative troll - semi loser for NOT using my talents and being so DAMN LAZY!!!!

I WANT TO BE THAT CREATIVE PERSON! I WANT TO CREATE! I WANT TO LOOK AT MY FINISHED CREATIONS AND FEEL PRIDE! I WANT TO HEAR WILL SAY TO ME, "WOW BABE, THAT'S AWESOME" Nothing is sweeter than having your talents and hard work acknowledged. It's this overwhelming sense of inner joy, pride and sense of accomplished artistry.

(but here is where it all comes to a screeching halt.)

I love to sew, I get this creative bug and all I can think about is designing and creating my next "big creation" but when I think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, the picking of the fabric, the cutting, the measuring, the ironing, the serging, the sewing, the ironing again .. the urge suddenly leaves me. It no longer feels "fun", but a "chore", a "job", a "nuisance", "something I don't have TIME for."

I feel the urge of creativity and inspiration slowly dissipate as quickly as I can exhale and I say to myself.. "meh, I don't feel like this doing this right now, I don't have the time for this, maybe tomorrow." Well, as you can tell by my empty etsy shop and the lack of my craft stall at the local Saturday market, that "tomorrow" never comes.

I used to journal ALL.THE.TIME. I have a huge tote full of my writings, poetry, short stories, my unfinished novel I started when I was 14. I was at one point, quite the creative writer. I was once asked by my high school english teachers to have my works published in their books (which I declined and now regret.) I have written speeches, papers and acceptance letters into schools for friends in which they got a response to join their creative writing departments. (that seems like a lifetime ago!) But like sewing and everything else.. I pushed it out with the excuse.. I don't have time.

"I DON'T HAVE TIME..."

I find myself saying that ALL.THE.TIME.

I never have time to make friends, I never have time to call what friends I have or drop them a letter, I never have time to go here, I never have time to go there, I never have time to sew, I never have time to make soap, I never have time to just sit and read a book to Emilia, I never have time to play a board game with the boys, I never have time to MAKE TIME FOR THE IMPORTANT STUFF IN MY LIFE! But where is all the time going? It's being wasted on excuses of NOT having time! I am sick of my own excuses of NOT having time!

I actually feel like I don't have "TIME" to be creative. Like something is more important that needs to be done and all I end up doing is running from one room of my house to the next, all the while feeling the burdens of wanting to do what I want (sew, make soap, etc) and them NOT getting done. BUT the burden is there.. heavy in my mind, in my thoughts and this unexplainable weight of guilt b/c I'm NOT making what I should, what I want. It's the quintessential infinite cycle, and it's bogging me down emotionally.

I have this "NEED" to keep running around my house like a robot, doing nothing at all productive really.. just running back and forth, tidying. I open a closet and "BAM" I start organizing it b/c the towels aren't aligned right, I mean REALLY? COME ON! I have the most organized towels, drawers, cabinets and closets around! So WHY do I feel the need to take the WHOLE closet apart and redo the WHOLE darn thing?!?

I simply can't stand it anymore!

Changes need to happen.. for me... I need to re-catorigize my priorities... I'm tired of telling my talent/creativeness AND my kids.. "one minute", "not today", "tomorrow", "I don't have time", "I have to do this first", "Please stop asking, I said I couldn't do it today" etc, etc, etc....

I MUST MAKE A CHANGE!!

So from today on..
To start making the change I need, I am making a vow to myself to follow these rules:

That I will spend.....
* 1 hour a day doing something creative / crafty/ fun FOR ME
* I will spend LESS time gawking at other's creations and start making my own!
* I will spend LESS time writing my blog posts (2-3 hours a post is TOO long)
* I will set a time limit on viewing other's blogs, pinterest and FB pages.. this is NOT enhancing my life or that of my family's.
* I will take the time to read 1 book to Emilia each day
* I will take the time to work with Emilia on her sight words
* I will take the time to sit with the boys doing whatever
* Execute Family Game Night - Wed nights (which fell by the way side)
* and spend LESS time trying to reorganize the already organized parts of my life and focus on what NEEDS to have my attention.

I KNOW this is going to be a huge, difficult step for me, but it is a step that HAS to be taken. I'm tired of feeling like I'm failing everyone I love, including myself.

SO today, I AM beginning with a baby step, I'm going to find my timer and create a Priority Time Management Schedule for myself, incorporating the tasks I VOW to myself and one's that I would LIKE to accomplish (being realistic.)

Once my schedule is complete, I begin the scheduled task, set the timer for the time allotted AND do it! (cleaning, business time, personal computer time, crafting, blogging etc) If the timer goes off and my task is NOT completed, depending on the importance of it I will try to complete it in another allotted 15 minutes. If it's not completed after the additional time, then it will be on the task for completion the following day.

I have to start somewhere and that's a good place to start right?

Wish Me Luck!

Love and Light!
=) Kristina

**** Disclaimer: (the reason why the kids change so much is they play with friends with cats and since Will is direly allergic to cats, if they are at their friend's houses, I ask that they change their clothes so that cat dander won't be spread in OUR house making Will miserable with his allergies in OUR house, SO it's not them just randomly changing b/c they want to.. they do it out of respect, so I'm NOT complaining about that.. but it's ALOT of laundry!)

Life has been hectic ...

When life gets hectic I always find that my personal blog is the thing that suffers the most.

Since my last post, the kids have finished school... Armando is an 8th grader, Giovanni a 7th grader and Emilia is officially a 1st grader!  Where has the time gone!

I am so proud of the boys, as they finished the year with Honors - Straight A's & B's.  They worked very hard this year and their hard work shows.

Armando finished up his season of C2 Soccer. They advanced into the State Finals but didn't progress any further.  We had some very talented players and it's sad to see the season end.

Giovanni is completely healed from his surgery and all is well with his mouth. Now we just have to wait to see how his teeth naturally align to determine if braces are in the future or not.

Emilia lost 2 teeth in a matter of 2 days.  Her top left front and one that is on the side bottom left. When she talks she she is making a  "SHP" sound... when she is upset and trying to vocalize her frustration it takes a strong hold of self control on my part not to giggle, run to get the video camera and record.  It's so cute.. almost like Elmer Fudd.

OH.. and I almost forgot Reina.. the puppy that is lucky to be alive after I found her making my reading glasses her new chew toy.  She has never destroyed anything of great value.. some kids toys here and there but she always kept herself entertained with her toys. She is now 7 months old and we have had her for 4 months and this was really the first time I recall being spitting mad at her.  She has house trained wonderfully and always goes to the door and barks.  She is a great puppy and my $300 glasses will just have to be a lesson to me to make sure they don't fall off my nightstand.  (but wow.. such an expensive lesson)

As a family unit, we are doing well.  Knock on wood that everyone is healthy. We have hit summer full blast.  Not only are the kids home and enjoying the freedom, it seems like it has gotten hotter than Hades too early in the season.  We have 93+ days for the better part of the week with 80+% humidity.  It's brutal.

Over the Memorial Day weekend, Will and I gave the front yard landscaping a facelift and overhaul.  We haven't touched it (other than basic weeding) since we moved in in Dec 2010.  It was time for a revamp.  The bushes the landscapers planted were all wrong for the space and started growing out of control.  We snipped them back, replaced the mulch, added edging stones and replanted some of the flowers.  We didn't add any fresh flowers or color to the mix, we will do that next year after I actually planned for it.

We are in the midst of planning our first family vacation for the end of June.  I wouldn't really call it a vacation per say. There aren't any amusement parks,  mouse houses or water rides in our plans.  We choose to take our vacations to spend time with much missed family 1,200 + miles away.  We haven't seen most of our families in over 2 years.  I can not wait to see them all. I miss our families so very much. We have lived away from them for so many years that one would think that missing them wouldn't be as much.. but daily there is a reminder of how much they are missed and how lonely it is w/o them.  Definitely a void missing in our lives.

I'm out of time for now.. if your interested you can check out why I have been away for the past few weeks. I've been working on promoting a new lil notebook I created and then writing all about it here: Let It Shine Design Blogger Page. 

Love & Light!
=) Kristina

as promised.. some recent pics:


Em's last day of school before her Graduation Program.

Em feeding the white peacock at the Fountain of Youth Park in St. Augustine Fl. 

My  after Armando's birthday celebration.

A Girl's Only Weekend..

Emilia and I made an impromptu trip to the St. Augustine house to see my mom.  She was there for a week and with her being so close I decided to just go and visit her.  It was a tough decision for me as Armando had soccer tournaments that weekend for the State Playoffs the following week and I wanted to be there to support him.

But I had to see my mom.. So Will had a boy's only weekend and I had the Girls only one.

Here are some highlights from that weekend.  We met up with my Big Brother Stephen (who is also the guest museum curator for his display at the MOSH museum in JAx..http://www.themosh.org/victory.html )

My brother was a participant in Ve-Day remembrance gathering to celebrate the 67th Anniversary of the Allied victory in Eurpoe at the St. Augustine Fountain of youth so it was a great time to spend time with him. It was a great experience for Em to as she was exposed to history amongst people who loved it.

here are some pics of that great event:

Stephen, Mom and Emilia

Stephen and my mom (boy she looks more and more like her mom every tiime I see her)

 Stephen and his buddy Dan. 

 Emilia filling out her rations card. 

 Stephen and Dan talking to a War Veteran Mario. 

I simply loved her look.. such a classic timeless look.

Mr. Dan in front of his 1941 jeep. 

 Another pic of a lady dressed in the era's clothing. She was fun to talk with.

A 3-Star General's Dodge?

OH.. and did I mention the peacocks at the park?  Holy Cow.. there are over 90 of them roaming free.  They even ate out of Em's hands.  I will share those pics in another post, I took over 300 pictures of the peacocks alone! They are simply gorgeous.

Thanks for stopping by!  I'll share more soon!

=) Kristina

The Organized Sewer's Notebook

I am soo over the moon to introduce to the sewing community: The Organized Sewer's Notebook.

It was a project in the making for a long time. The nagging need for something to organize my creative life was overwhelming and I had to do something about it.

So I organized my thoughts and created a 90 page notebook, including inventory pages, knowledge pages and logs of projects.  I have never sat so much in the weeks it took to create this.  I have never spent 8 hours at a time in front of a computer. My butt still hurts! But it's done and now I'm mentally working on project #2..  BUT.. I wanted to share with you TOSN..

Here are some pics of TOSN.

I was uber excited to read the reviews which have all been super positive thus far. Keeping my fingers crossed!

OH.. and I am also planning an Organize-A-Long on the yahoo group: Sew It Seams.  This is really going to be alot of fun.. come on over and join us!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SewItSeams/

Happy Organizing!

Happy Easter!

Easter was always a special time for me as a child.  I remember giving tulips to my Great Grandmother.  I remember her smile, her thick glasses, her white hair and her deep Czech accent.

Easter to me is of kolache's, braided bread, ham, egg battles and family. The smell of my Grandparents house is etched in my senses, it is a smell I have never smelled anywhere else, but I remember it.  I remember the egg hunts at my Grandparents house in Baltimore City. Oh Easter.. how I love the memories you have created for me.

I miss it all.  Easter is the holiday that most reminds me of my Grandmother Hunter.  I remember her all the time.. but Easter is HER.  It is her memory that makes it so very special to me. I wish my children could have known her.. she would have made an ever lasting impression on them as well.

I must go now to hide the eggs for my kiddos..  but I wanted to share with you this:

May your Easter be filled with love. laughter, blessings and family for a lifetime of cherished memories. 

Happy Easter! 

<3 Krys 

Memories....

Will surprised me and bought me a new camera to take pics of Armando playing soccer.  I needed a faster shutter speed to take action shots.. here are some pics I took during Armando's practice.. this camera is impressive and I now have to learn ALOT!

Inspiration... Move Me Brightly.....

The title of this post is a lyric from one of my favorite Grateful Dead songs.. "Terrapin Station".  Terrapin Station is actually the conclusion and blend of another great jam.."Lady with a Fan".  Usually you won't hear one w/o the other intertwined. Many nights I spent gazing up at the stars just getting lost in this song.  The song weaves into a beautiful story that takes me to another dimension in thought.  Almost as if it opens another door of perception and then my creative juices begin to flow!

Right now... I need Inspiration to move me.  Being a stay at home mom .. while it's a blessing, it feels like I am not contributing much to anything.  I have found my creative drive all but non existent, my life is full of "tomorrow's" and then I feel guilty of not getting all that I want to get done done.. Lord knows I have the time.. it's the drive I am lacking. I have a sketchbook full of designs, my head is overflowing with possibilities, my closet is full of materials, my goals are set, and my "to do" list keeps getting longer.. it's the spark that is not present.

BUT .. that is going to change.  I found a book on a lady's blog called... " 365: A Daily Creativity Journal, Make Something Everyday and Change Your Life" by Noah Scalin.   I haven't ever heard of this book and I found it intriguing.  Although I most likely won't purchase the book, it has still inspired me to begin to make a project a day.. hopefully getting me out of my slump.. lighting that proverbial fire under my ass to get behind my machines and do what I love to do... create.

Will also bought me a camera.. it is a combination Mother's Day, Birthday, Christmas and "ALL that".. gift.  He cracks me up.  While we had a good camera before, he bought this for me to take action shots of Armando playing soccer.  I have MUCH to learn on how to use this camera properly.  I was playing with it yesterday and wow.. it's ALOT of camera.. not the point and shoots that I am used to!

My new camera has also inspired me... to at least take a picture of SOMETHING every day... photography is not something I want "to get into".. I don't feel I have the talent or the "eye" for it.... but it's something I would like to do everyday... just to take 5 mins to stop and find something interesting and take a pic of it...  I am an artist at heart....I just love all things creative. AND to think.. I had a college art professor tell me that I should quit his class b/c I didn't have an artistic bone in my body and that he was going to have to fail me... obviously he hasn't seen my fabric artscapes OR my make-up artistry skills.  I CAN still design, draw and create art.. it's just not with charcoal pencils, water colors or pastels... it is with fabric, thread and make up.

I am so glad I didn't let that man totally squash my inner artist... Thank God my need and love for the arts was stronger than his ignorance.. he could have broken what I hold so dear.

With that note.. I am off to create my list of crafty projects for next week.  I am going to begin on Monday.  I am going to reorganize my craft room (lovingly called Room of Chaos) to get ready for my return.. ... I simply can not wait...